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Inner Conflict

Image Credit:
Inner Conflict - Lady Symphonia @ Deviantart
 This is a hard topic to discuss, but inner conflict adds mental bounds to the abilities and capabilities of a human, as one has to overcome several hurdles and make out your own set of accepted rules, and stick to that in spite of what the community will say or how they will judge it.
Inner Conflict emotional disturbance resulting from a clash of opposing impulses or from an inability to reconcile contradictions with realist or moral considerations, a fight or struggle "selves" within one-self. Inner gesture a motion expressing a certain emotion. From: http://afronord.tripod.com/thr/dict.html
Some decisions are made depending on who it will affect, how it will change you and those around you, and whether you think about the changes involved after all. Generally any decision you make, has different levels of acceptability by involved parties - but the catch is that you will never know what that level is exactly, until you make the move.

The issue for like-minded people is that there comes a time in your life where decisions are crucial to the greater part of your life, and you know it will affect most parties negatively, but because you know what level of destruction it will bring to them emotionally, you end up living an unfulfilled life avoiding giving answers or changing the topic. Society tends to be mainstream, so when one diverts from mainstream, instead of being accepted, it might be the case that one will become an outcast. Cold hard reality.

The main thread for me is this: Religion causes people to behave irrational although they have the best of intentions.
Now, ever since I could remember, I have tried to be a good person to any other person my paths crossed with. It also means that I have not fit in anywhere exactly, because group A expects a certain behaviour from you, and group B expects something different. How do you keep all your connections happy?
Well, in my experience it happens that one adapts to develop a way of juggling your interpersonal relationships, and through that, you start to see beyond the border of the area in which you were brought up.
It does not mean that people that disagree with you and your religion is totally wrong, like we are indoctrinated mostly. It simply means that the other person has a different outlook to life than you do.
This is where my main battle with religion and belief comes in. Can you believe in something so much, that you in the end believe that doing something hurtful to other people is acceptable?
It has been said many times before that religion is the cause of most of the bad things in the world, because religion actually promotes difference and forcing its view on the other party rather than living peacefully and respecting each one's differences - the mentality of "...if you don't agree with my views, you are wrong...".

I have been reading up on freethinking  for quite a while now, and for me it makes a lot more sense to respect freethinking than following a particular religion. This is where the crux of matter is for me. For myself, I will be a lot happier not following religion, but rather respect other people and have an open mind on other people's viewpoints. But doing so will make the people close to me unhappy as I grew up in a strictly Christian family. It's sometimes funny to see how they react to situations and sheepishly base their view on religion, and how other times it is wrong to have a different view on things.
To keep the peace, I'd rather keep my comments to myself and basically never have an opinion on something, because my opinions are not based on that. I am not happy this way. I love my family and basically 'coming out' and reveal my views on things would be even worse, because of their child-like belief in something - because the Bible tells them so.
This does not mean that all of a sudden I became 'evil', which is what I think they will believe, because by their standards, how can such a person have any good in them?

I still go to Church, but mainly for my own reasons... if only it means to other people that I'm a good person :)

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